What is the best way to tell the family that me and my Dad’s youngest sister are dating?
She was a late child, she’s 27, I am 24. We are dating for a few months now, and decided to tell the family soon, you can’t keep it a secret forever. What is the best way to tell the family(especially my Dad) about this?
Most of the responses were not helpful. In addition to that old stand-by of prejudice, “ew,” there was:
You do know that this is called incest don’t you there is no way that your family will accept this
You are dating your aunt? Stop seeing her and find someone else who is not related.
wow… she must be really dumb to date a nephew
Unless you left out part of the story that is incest. Incest is bad. There is no good way to tell them without someone getting upset.
you DON’t date her. She’s your aunt.
So these people know who this person should and shouldn’t love? The people in this relationship are consenting adults, and shouldn’t be judged by others, who are just like the people who used to say "women don't date women" or "whites don't date Negroes" or that a woman should stand by her abusive husband.
These responses below tried to be helpful, though they were less than supportive:
I’m assuming your Muslim or Mormon (the two religions that kinda don’t include incest). So if you are, try to bring it up as a rhetorical question to your dad. If he reacts negatively then telling him probably won’t be a good idea. Still, it might be wise to find someone else that interests you instead.
And…
Well, even though she’s near your age, might be really hot, and may be the best woman in the world, she’s still your aunt and you’re still blood related, so this isn’t going to go over well no matter how your break it.
I don’t think you should say anything unless you plan on getting married (if that’s legal in Canada). If you two want to get married or live together, that’s your choice, you’re free to do that if you legally can, but technically, it’s still incest. So be prepared for some yelling, screaming, and your family not talking to you for awhile, so think about whether this relationship is really worth that, or if you both should move on to less controversial partners.
This one was the only supportive one:
Honestly, I do not think that there will be any good time to tell this to your family.
What you have to think is, do you see yourself marrying this woman? Is this ‘relationship’ really that good? You need to find out the answer to that.
If the answer is no, you may be able to keep it secret.
If the answer is yes, well you just have to maybe have a family dinner etc. and tell them all then.
Best of luck to you!
This very much like something that so many people go through when bringing home a same-sex partner or someone of a different race. My advice to someone in this situation:
Those around you probably see what’s going on already, even if they haven’t said anything to you. It is important to consider if you are heading for a lasting relationship or if this is mostly something that is for fun and experience. Are both of you ready to settle down? Are you thinking there’s a real possibility you’ll want to settle down with each other? If so, then you do need to discuss it with your family unless you’re willing to move somewhere else and cut off all ties with them. Let your family see how good you are for each other, how much you enjoy being around each other; let them see this is going to strengthen the family, not weaken it. She should be the one to talk with your father about it. She should talk about how happy she is, how much she loves you, how well you treat her, ask for his help and support. If he is rejecting, then you might need to go to your mother and appeal to her sense of protection. Point out that she picked one sibling, and you picked another from the same family for some of the same qualities.
They don’t need to like it. They just need to accept it continue loving you.
On the other hand, if you’re likely just together for now, I would let it go unspoken. You can refrain from displays of affection in front of the rest of the family. In some families, that is the norm anyway for all relationships.
Part of the objection to the relationship might be that where you live, the two of you can’t marry. Ask your family for support in changing this, and do some research to find somewhere that you might be able to get legally married if you took a trip there.
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