A Supporter of Limited Polygyny

This writer appears to equate polygamy with polygyny.

Feminists stand strongly against it, supported by issues on gender equality, human rights and many more.

Some feminists support the freedom to polygamous marriage. Polygamy is more than patriarchal polygyny. There’s also group marriage (including same-sex) and polyandry. Furthermore, it is entirely possible for strong women to choose to share a husband, and thus choose polygyny. Some feminists rightly see denial of this freedom to marry as restricting a woman’s right to choose her marriage partners.

My concern is over the fact that in Islam a man can have more than one wife (sister wives) up to four wives on condition that he can treat his wives wisely.

Why is this concerning?

If God permits conditionally (in Islam), why do humans (just small creatures of God) try to stand against polygamy?

There are many Muslims in the world, but the majority of people in the world are not Muslims. Legally, full marriage equality should allow any adult their right to marry any consenting adult(s) they choose. Regardless of religion. Some people oppose adding any new freedom to marry into law because they want to control the lives of others. There are also some people who would support increasing the freedom to marry but would oppose full marriage equality; they have a lack of solidarity. For example, there are Muslims who would want the law to allow a man to have four wives, but would oppose allowing a man to have more than four, or oppose letting a man marry another man. With full marriage equality, a Muslim man (or any man) could marry four consenting women, but his neighbor would have also have the freedon to marry two men.

Freedom to Marry Regardless of Religion

Andrea Johnson cautiously supports the polygamous freedom to marry.

A court in Canada is set to make a decision on whether to declare the laws against polygamy unconstitutional in that country. I think it might be a good idea here too, though it would probably be a tax code and legal nightmare.

It doesn’t have to be.

She then goes into Carolyn Jessop’s book and recent news about some FLDS communities.

Despite her own negative experiences, she favors decriminalizing polygamy because she thinks it will offer women in these situations more legal protection and perhaps prevent some of the all-too-common abuses, such as underage marriages. I think she has a good point there.

So do I.

She then mentions Muslim polygyny, and how homes are broken up when not all of the wives and children are allowed to immigrate with the husband.

I'm not sure how practical it would be to legalize polygamy, but I think an argument could be made that refusal to recognize it or prosecuting people for practicing it is a violation of freedom of religion.

It’s also a violation of the freedom of association and equal treatment. People can want a polygamous marriage without a religious basis, and they should be allowed that. It doesn’t matter if they are basing it on a religion, or what religion, or not. It doesn’t matter if they are the same race or not, the same generation or not, if they are closely related or not, if they are the same gender or not, or there are two, three, four, or more of them. Let them have the freedom to marry. Let’s have full marriage equality.

Elmwood commented…

I have done a little reading about Polygamy and one question I have is how could one man with 20 wives and over 110 children support them?

There’s nothing stopping any man from impregnating 20 consenting women right now. There are many men who have impregnated four or more women in a short time span. We pay some of these men large sums to play in professional sports, for example, but even if a man is unable to pay all of his child support, he is not prevented from impregnating more women. Most people know a woman who has children by three or more men. With marriage equality, at least we’d have more children will be growing with married parents.

From the Source

Polygamy in the Desert is a blog from “a polygamous Muslim family who tries to live by Qur'an and Sunnah. This blog tells about our family but also gives the readers an insight into Saudi culture and lifestyle.”

Polygyny in Iraq

BBC News reports that Iraq has more than one million war widows and a shortage of young unmarried men, and that polygyny may offer a solution.

It's a practice that became less common in the 20th Century, but politicians put forward a proposal last year to offer married men financial incentives to take on a second wife.

Under current Iraqi law, polygamy is illegal unless authorised by a judge - though it is part of the country's Islamic tradition and has been backed in recent years by some religious groups.

In Iraq's largest province, Anbar, a charity called Angel of Mercy has been helping widows remarry for the last four years. Dozens of marriages have been completed, with the widows often marrying their husband's relatives.

If that is what is best for all of the spouses, why not encourage this?

Women in illegal second marriages are often "in an inferior situation where they are unprotected and prone to abuse by men", [chatity worker Hana Edwar] adds.

Legalize them and the women will have more power. Of course, I don’t support polygyny only; I support full marriage equality, which includes gender equality.

Marriage in Turkey

This article discusses a report on marriage, and also gender inequality, in Turkey.

Though polygamous marriages are not legally recognized in Turkey, more than 186,000 women share their husbands with a second wife, a practice that is particularly common in the country’s east, a recent report has revealed.

Second wives are married in religious or cultural ceremonies, and generally are eligible for few legal protections, according to the report by two academics, who presented their research to the Parliamentary Commission on Equal Opportunity for Women and Men.

Legalization would provide legal protections. In addition to polygyny, there are a significant number of consanguineous marriages…

The research also revealed that 12.4 percent of marriages are between first-degree relatives, something that affects 1,700,062 women, mostly in the southeast. Matches between first-degree relatives account for 29 percent of marriages in southeastern provinces, 22 percent in central-eastern Anatolia and 18 percent in the northeast.

I would like to see Turkey, along with many other countries, move towards gender equality and full marriage equality.

Some Women Want Polygyny

In addition to women who want to be part of a group marriage or want multiple husbands (polyandry), there are women who want polygyny. Some people have denied this to be true, charging that women in polygynous marriages must have been forced or coerced into them.

Adam R asked some questions about polygamy in Islam, which of course would be limited polygyny, in which a man can be married to up to four wives.

-Can two Muslim wives live in the same house??
-Is it realistic for both wives to engage in a personal friendship relation?? (I suppose since they are living under the same roof, they can't just pretend that the other wife doesn't exist so they have to interact with each other)
-If there are any children, how do they get along with their step siblings??
-Is it common for Muslim women to approve themselves polygamy??
-In the Canadian Muslim community, is polygamy frowned-up??
-Is there any specific society within the Islamic world that is more lenient or that tends to approve more polygamy than others??

kool dude had some answers, which I have below with minor edits for clarity...

1. Yes, If a Husband has capacity to keep them in separate homes he can.. if not it's alright..

2. Yes, It's realistic.. Two wives can live like friends .. All three of them go to pilgrimage(Hajj) together.. .. But it all depends on Husband .. how he treats them both.. you have to be Strictly JUST. there are many examples.

3. You shouldn't put in the children's mind that they are your step siblings if they are not grown ups.. the word STEP has no significance in Islam..Its your seed. Step mom.Both are MOMS; they have to be respected equally.. by the siblings of both mothers..

4. Yes its frowned but They want to Adapt it because of Growing population of SINGLE MOMS.

5. All Muslim societies are knowledgeable today and are lenient towards polygamy.. But Muslim men seeing that many women are materialistic or other reason.... are happy with one.. Rich can always be polygamous.. But they have to be just

Saeed mujib Saadat…

In Islam if a man wants to marry another wife, his first wife MUST first agree to it otherwise it's not valid. What you said about Lebanon is True Husbands have to support both wives and all children...the wives must be treated equally. Sometimes they don't live in the same roof but others do. I know one friend who's mother is moving from one city to another. This because the wife wanted to move there. Personally i could not handle two women, it tends to be the wife ho wants the husband to marry somebody else.

I have no way of knowing if those answers are accurate or not. What is official policy or teaching might not be how things end up in practice. But I did find an interesting comment that backs this up over at Ms Magazine. The commentary references the Canadian poly trial and asks “Is Polygamy Inherently Bad For Women?” The author, Jessica Mack, isn’t convinced that it is.

The practice of taking numerous spouses, in and of itself, doesn’t seem to be the root cause of the problem. After all, there are clear examples of polyandry (in which one woman has several husbands, as opposed to polygyny, with one man and several women), but abuse and oppression of men in these cases rarely, if ever, comes up.

Perhaps instead, the problem with polygamy (or, really, polygyny) is that the legal structure of marriage codifies an underlying discrimination against women. Reports from polygamous communities often point to early and forced marriage, in which the institution of marriage serves as both a shield for, and weapon of, sexist behavior.

Also, polygamy is often practiced secretively and in cloistered religious communities that exist quite literally outside the norms of broader society. This situation can create impunity for those men who are abusing women.

Having polygamy, of which polygyny is just one form, legalized, will make it more difficult for abusers to get away with their misdeeds. Legalization takes away much of the fear and mistrust victims have when it comes to the government authorities.

Miah Shilpi makes it clear…

But, the simplified version is this: Polygamous marriage is not what hurts women - sexism in society is. All the conventions on how polygamous marriage hurt women - allowing and institutionalized underage sex/marriage, nonconsensual sex/marriage, domestic violence, isolating women, keeping them from have jobs, an education, or leading a fulfilling live, ect ect - were all hallmarks of monogamous marriage in our society just a century and a half ago. Because the role of sex and women in society has changed, so has the narrative of marriage, women's role in it. Abuse DOES happen in polygamous marriage...but it happens in monogamous marriage, too, and the cause isn't the structure of the marriage, but the structure of society and the role of sex/gender within it.

Christine has the comment I mentioned…

A few years ago, I was in Kenya for work. I had the opportunity to travel with one of my Kenyan colleagues to her father's home in a semi-rural area. Her father was in his 60s and was polygamous. While traveling there, my colleague told me the past few months had been very difficult at her father's house because his "first wife" had died. I said her father must be devastated and she responded that, yes, he was, but it was his second wife who was the most devastated. Seeing that I was baffled, she explained that the two wives were best friends and were each other's most important support system. The death of the first wife left the second wife with a devastating emotional hole and doubled work load overnight. I had never thought about the support system some women get from polygamy. Now that I am a wife and mother, I can understand the sentiment. I could certainly use a second wife to help me out - and I have a truly equal partner in my husband!

As long as a society has gender equality or nearly so, as long as people in that society have the freedom to refuse marriage and the freedom to divorce, full marriage equality, which includes the right to polygamous marriage, will benefit all. All includes women, of course! But even where there isn't gender equality, some women may genuinely desire to be part of the polygynous marriage.

An Explanation of Why Islam Allows Polygyny

Bella Humaira posted an explanation as to why Islam allows polygyny, but not polyandry.

As a reminder, I support full marriage equality under the law, meaning that any adult, regardless of gender, should be able to marry any consenting adult persons(s), regardless of gender. It is interesting, though, to get different perspectives. Certainly, if everyone is consenting, I have no objection to a man marrying four women and I certainly don't think it should be illegal.

Polygyny in Israel

There's a battle in Israel over polygyny in some of the Muslim population. There are groups actively trying to end the practice.

Since polygamous marriages aren't recognized by the government, no official statistics exist. But the Research and Information Center of Israel's Knesset, or parliament, estimates that somewhere between 20 percent and 36 percent of bedouin households in the southern Negev region, where most of bedouin live, are polygamous.

Whatever the percentage, it is clearly not a rare practice.

Primarily a media campaign using posters with women's testimonials, the "No Excuse for Polygamy" initiative also holds meetings and seminars aimed at educating single women about the price of polygamy.

I have no problem with someone explaining to anyone else willing to listen why they would not want to participate in a polygynous marriage. But adults should be able to freely choose their own marriages, and that includes a woman choosing to be one of two, three, or four wives to one husband.

With an annual growth rate of 5.5 percent, Israeli bedouins are one of the fastest growing populations in the world.

Many polygamous populations are growing faster than the general population. That is going to mean more popular support for the right to polygamous marriage.

"Women are the greatest beneficiaries of polygamy," Abu-Da'abes told the Israeli-Arab weekly Kul Al-Arab.

Abu-Da'abes, while a supporter of the right to polygynous marriage, is no supporter of full marriage equality…

For that reason, Abu-Da'abes criticized Arab men who take foreign women in addition to their Arab wives, saying he would like to issue an Islamic legal opinion, known as a fatwa, against mixed marriages.

Any adult should be allowed to marry any other consenting adult(s).

Yazbak dismissed Abu-Da'abes' argument, saying polygamy causes poverty and dissolves the family structure.

I would like to see a comparison of divorce rates and other indcators of “dissolving the family structure” between this bedouin population and the professing monogamists in that country. I suspect the bedouins have a stronger family dynamic.

Again, I would like to point out that I support full marriage equality, and as part of that, gender equality. Both men and women have to be truly free to make their own choices about getting married and, if need be, getting divorced. I support the right to polyandry as much as I support th right to polygyny.

Freedom to Marry Will Lead to Sharia Law?

And the desperate search for traction in denying the freedom to marry continues. Elizabeth V. Krug wrote a letter responding to Kate Heartfield, trying to convince us that having the freedom to marry will lead to Sharia law.

The legal wrangling over the polygamy practised by a fundamentalist Mormon community in Bountiful, B.C., is obscuring the core issues here. What harm do the polygamy laws prevent? The harm of wiping out the hard-fought battle of Canadian women for gender equality. There is no equality in a polygamous marriage and, therefore, no freedom.

This is a broad generalization based on her perceptions of one community. There are monogamous marriages where there isn't gender equality. Would a polygamous marriage beteween two men and two women not be equal? If women freely enter into a marriage and can freely leave a marriage, what is the problem?

If Canadian polygamy laws are struck down, it would be a victory for the proponents of Sharia law in Canada.

And if everyone decides to stop eating pork, it would be a victory for proponents of kosher diets. So what? Sharia law is also against stealing, so having laws against theft is a victory for the proponents of Sharia law in Canada, too.

Islamist and Mormon polygyny are practised in autocracies rather than democracies, and use religion as an expedient for male political power over women, as well as over non-Alpha males.

Canada is a democracy. Bountiful is part of Canada.

Freedom to Marry Includes the Freedom to Divorce

The right to marry must have with it the freedom to divorce, because consent should be at the heart of full marriage equality. Those who want to deny marriage equality will often claim that polygyny oppresses women. However, in Qatar, polygyny rates are apparently declining as some women choose divorce when their husband wants to take on another wife. No marriage construct is right for everyone, and if these women prefer to be unmarried rather than to go from a monogamous relationship into a polygynous one, they are free to leave, and some do.

According to the study conducted by the Qatar Statistics Authority, the percentage of Qatari men taking second wives has dropped from 6.6% to 4% which is seen as an indication of the decline of polygamy in Qatar as well as in the Gulf region in general.

Just as consent is at the heart of marriage equality, gender equality is important to consent.

Financial independence is seen as one of the factors that contributed to the decline of polygamy.

“Qatari women are no longer dependent on men,” said Abeer, a student. “In the past, only men worked so women did not object when their husbands remarried.”

For Abeer, the decline in polygamy was not only a sign of development for women, but also for men.

“The fact that men are not taking second wives show that they are more focused on their work and are becoming more productive instead of only caring about their personal pleasure.”

It could be that they care more about material gain than personal relationships.

While the drop in polygamy is seen as healthy, several researchers find it detrimental to the well being of society. For researcher Ibrahim Gomaa, when men started having only one wife, the number of single women has remarkably increased.

“The Qatari society did not suffer the problem of spinsterhood before,” he said. “Now this problem will be magnified as polygamy drops especially that the Qatari society is small and conservative.”

What Muslims in Britain Think About Polygyny

A British Muslim matchmaking website polled users to find out their attitudes towards polygyny. I would think that more that support it, the more business for the website!

SingleMuslim.com Director, Adeem Younis said: "We chose to run this survey in light of recent media stories referencing polygamy, marriage and Islamic law, both here in the UK and internationally.

"The survey results suggest that there are varying views within the Muslim community as to the extent to which polygamy is permissible. I'm not an Islamic scholar, but when I read the Qur'an, I interpret that polygamy is permissible only in exceptional circumstances. The poll results show that the majority of Muslims share my view.

"Yet the survey does highlight a perception that many Muslims interpret the Qur'an to mean that a man may take several wives, without exception."

Polygamy is discussed in two sections of the Qur'an (Sura Al-Nesaa' 4:3 and 4:127). The passages explain how polygamy may be allowed to protect widows and orphaned children.

The Qur'an permits polygamy on condition that the husband treats all his wives with equal respect, emotionally as well as financially. However, the Qur'an later describes the impossibility of treating several wives equally. Therefore monogamy is the norm for most Muslims.

Treating more that one wife equally does not mean treating them the same. One wife may want more time alone than another. One wife might want sex more often than the other. As long as the wives are having their needs met and he is having his needs met, it is a good thing, right? Legalize it.

Film Includes Depiction of Iranian Polygyny

From what I know about present-day Iran, I do not think there is enough gender equality there. As such, relationships between men and women may have a de facto inequality. In addition, the Iranian President’s claim that there are no gays or lesbians in Iran is laughable and disturbing at the same time; disturbing because it is an indication of the ongoing persecution of LGBT people there.

Tomorrow, there will be a screening of a film, “Leila,” that centers on a monogamous man-woman marriage in Iran that appears to be headed towards polygyny.

Leila’s problems start shortly after she is married. She learns she is probably infertile. Her husband swears that he does not care, that she is important to him, not a future child. But Leila is worried that she has failed her husband. And his mother does everything in her power to make her believe that she has done just that. She does not let up in harassing and manipulating Leila, and slowly Leila becomes paranoid and continually tests the devotion of her husband. She finally persuades him herself that he has to look for a second wife to produce the child so important to carry on the family line.

I do not doubt that situations like this exist. What I don’t want is people to think that polygyny, or polygamy or polyamory in general is a bad thing. Where there is gender equality and LGBT rights, they can be good things, especially if people have marriage equality. Polygyny is more likely to be a bad thing where women don’t have true freedom.

Muslim Polygyny Contrasted With Multiple Sexual Relationships

From the Filipino version of Yahoo Answers comes this question…

Muslims can you explain the difference between polygamy?
And ordinary multiple sexual relationships? I am unable to understand a distinction, the only difference to me seems that one is designated as a doctrine (In Islam) but in form they are completely homologous

I’m not Muslim, but the difference between polygamy and “ordinary multiple sexual relationships” is that polygamy specifically refers to marriage. As such, polygamy can be a subset of ordinary multiple sexial relationships, but there are other such relations that aren’t polygamy. Muslim polygyny is a subset of polygamy, and is often limited to a man having no more than four wives as a time. Most Muslims who recognize the validity of polygyny do not recognize the validity of polyandry or group marriages, which are the other basic forms of polygamy.

One person responding wrote…

marriage multiple or single marriages involve comitment and trust etc.

sex does not.

Another wrote…

Ordinary multiple sexual relationship without marriage in the name Allah which is called adultery/fornication or freesex is not allowed or haram in Islam.Mut'ah marriage for just as certain period is allowed in Islam.It is for legalising of adultery. Poliandry for woman in Islam is stricly prohibited Approaching adultery or zinah in Islam is prohibited too such as kissing,hugging and embracing with not mahram between a girl and guy

Another wrote…

Well when a man marries more than one WIFE...the women are treated equally and given the noble status of a WIFE not a mistress or someone they can sleep with one day and throw out the next........the women are given a share in property and the husband is mandated to provide all necessities for them including clothing/food/shelter/love/respect and honor...the husband is also responsible to provide for their children.....

As you know if you read this blog, I believe that gender equality is essential to marriage equality, so women should not be restricted from taking on multiple husbands. However, if someone chooses to be a Muslim and chooses the restrictions of Muslim monogamy or polygyny, they should be free to do that.

I also believe that, in contrast to the laws in some Muslim contries, consenting adults should be free to engage in sex and cohabitation without marriage, regardless of sexual orientation.

Polygyny in Syria

This article takes a look at what it calls polygamy in Syria.

Certain he had not returned to his first wife, Reem succumbed to her suspicions and checked her husband’s phone messages to learn he had secretly married a third, much younger wife, several months earlier while she was pregnant with their first child.

Full marriage equality can only truly be equal if all participants in a marriage are informed and consent.

Polygamy remains legal in Syria. Changes to the Personal Status Law in 2008 meant a judge may prohibit additional marriages if a husband cannot prove his ability to provide adequate financial support for all of them. But this vague law is rarely, if ever applied. Polygamy still remains far more common than divorce, according to women’s civil rights groups, and legal experts.

This is limited polygyny, to be precise. Men don’t have the freedom to marry other men. Women don’t have the freedom to marry more than one man or marry other women.

The article goes on to describe the positives and negatives of this limited polygyny in the context of other cultural realities in Syria. I always maintain that polygamy will work best where men and women have equal rights and equal cultural standing. It seems unfair to me that a man could be married to two women in Syria, with everyone being happy, and if they moved to the U.S. one of of the women would lose the status of wife.

Polygyny in Islam or Not

Anis Khan gives a religious Muslim and general practical perspective on polygyny.

This post is not prompted by my loneliness, but by a blog post in which a Muslima wrote that polygamy is like cheating; not knowing the difference between cheating and polygamy, one is based on a lie and another on truth. I read many apologetic views of men and intelligent arguments of women, mostly critical of the polygamy. A friend called me some weeks ago and said, “One of my friends wants to marry another woman; does he need permission from his first wife?” I said, “I am not an expert, but his friend doesn’t need permission.”

This is his religious perspective. I believe that legal policy should be that all spouses consent to the marital agreement.

Many non–Muslims believe that Islam propagates polygamy which is not true. No hadith or Quranic verse give preference to polygamy over monogamy because it is a personal matter.

On fairness to a wife…

I read some argument that a man has after all only 100% of time and resources to give to wives, so in either case the wives get less of a husband. But, they don’t think that the wives also have more free time and fewer responsibilities if the husband has more wives. And in some cases, a woman who has less hope for marriage due to old age, handicap, poverty, or any other problem, can marry a husband who will take care of her, how much percentage does she get as compared to what she had before?

He gives practical examples of how polygyny can work:

Let’s imagine that a man has businesses in two cities and he spends his time equally between the two cities. He cannot move his wife and children always because of his business commitments, and the other choice he has is to live alone, which can also be a cause of his taking to unlawful means. Let’s take another example of a husband who has high sex drive and his wife has low (because of psychological, biological, or medical reasons). Human beings vary in their capacity and willingness to eat, work and have sex. If the man can do justice with more than one wife, isn’t it better that he has a respectable marriages. In a normal modern system, he would get frustrated and divorce his wife, to marry another woman, and this will seem alright to all the people who condemn polygamy, not realising that after all the first wife has suffered, and she may suffer again if she remarries for the same reasons. The same way the system of polygamy works for some women as well. I read a report some time back in Arab News that some Saudi women prefer to be co-wives because they have other commitments such as parents, children from first husband, job etc. Thus, they are happy that they have to see their husbands less often. In some societies where there is high ratio of single women, as we see now in US, Saudi Arabia and some other countries, the system might make sense for women who would otherwise be unmarried. Thus, it is not for us to tell whether it is good or bad. But let people use it if they find any good in it.

It is an interesting read and there is much more at he link.

Oppressive Polygyny is Not All of Polygamy

There continues to be coverage in Canadian media about the legal issues surrounding polygamy. This article reduces it to the polygyny practiced by Muslims and the FLDS. The only voices in the article are negative ones.

Dena Hassouneh, a nurse practitioner and professor at the Oregon Health and Sciences University School of Nursing, was asked by the province to address the emotional, psychological and social impacts of polygamous relationships, compared to monogamous relationships.

Hassouneh, who like Hogben is Muslim herself, has published a paper titled, "Polygamy and Wife Abuse: A Qualitative Study of Muslim Women in America."

She studied 17 women in polygamous marriages and found they had greater frequency and severity of a variety of psychiatric symptoms, decreased marital satisfaction, and lower self-esteem.

"My work with women in the community indicates that the practice, more often than not, is a harmful one," she said in her affidavit. "Patriarchal family structures lend themselves to abuse of power regardless of whether they are monogamous or polygamous."

The last sentence is very telling. This really isn’t about polygamy. It is about polygyny as practiced under abusive conditions in which women are oppressed. The people being talked about abuse and oppress women, and they practice polygyny. They may also have dogs and beat dogs, but are the dogs beaten because of polygamy? No. They are beaten because these are abusive men.

My support for the right to polygamy is built entirely on the foundations of equality and consent, which means someone has to be old enough to consent. People, male or female, should have the freedom to marry the person or persons of their choice and to not be forced to marry anyone they don’t want to, or stay married to someone they no longer want as a spouse. And nobody should be hit, kicked, groped, penetrated, or in any way hurt against their will as a result of these decisions.

We need more coverage of poly people in general. Like any relationship, you can find poly people who have happy relationships as well as people who have rocky or abusive ones. The problem is, poly people who are happy are not going to call up a doctor or a counselor or a police station or domestic violence shelter and tell everyone what a great time they are having.

Cousin Marriages From a Genetic Perspective

A blog about gene expression at Discover Magazine look at “the individual & social risks of cousin marriage,” and it even has maps.

In the United States there’s a stereotype of cousin marriage being the practice of backward hillbillies or royalty. For typical middle class folk it’s relatively taboo, with different legal regimes by state. The history of cousin marriage in the West has been one of ups & downs. Marriage between close relatives was not unknown in antiquity. The pagan emperor Claudius married his niece Agrippina the Younger, while the Christian emperor Heraclius married his niece Martina. Marriage between cousins were presumably more common.

How did things change?

With the rise in the West of the Roman Catholic Church marriages between cousins were officially more constrained. Adam Bellow argues in In Praise of Nepotism: A Natural History that there’s a material explanation for this: the Roman church used its power over the sacrament of marriage to control the aristocracy.

That’s interesting.

More precisely the coefficient of kinship between two first cousins is 1/8. That means that at any given locus there’s a 1 out of 8 chance that the two individuals will have alleles which are identical by descent, which means that the genetic variant comes down from the same person in the family line.

If the allele is “good,” that is, totally normal/wild type, not associated with any pathology, then we’re in the clear. That’s why most first cousin marriages don’t produce children who are monsters. What a first cousin marriage does is change the odds. How you present these odds matters a great deal in how scary they sound. If I told you than the chance of first cousins having children with a birth defect is 4-7%, vs. 3-4% for a non-consanguineous couple, it might not sound that bad. But if I told you that the odds of having a birth defect is ~50% greater, then it sounds worse.

He gets more technical and moves on to discuss Muslims in Britain.

Polygamy in Malaysia

Here we go again with “polygamy is bad for women.”

Men in polygamous unions are happier than their wives, according to a quantitative survey on polygamy among Muslims.

The survey showed that 97% of the men felt they were getting enough or more in term of tenderness and love after taking a second wife.

For the wives, though, it was another story.

Some 42% of first wives felt they were getting less intimacy, tenderness and love after their husbands married again.

Compared to what percentages in supposedly monogamous marriages?

“Most men who practice polygamy say they married again because they do not want to indulge in sex out of wedlock,’’ said head researcher of the study Prof Norani Othman.

I can’t imagine a man would take on another wife if he is already getting everything he needs and wants in a woman from his current wife or wives, and if what he is giving in return is only enough for her. And let’s remember that marriage is more than sex.

The survey also revealed that polygamy had taken a financial toll on the families of the first wives.

A total of 44% of them had to take on extra work as their husbands could not provide for them as they had done before.

This goes beyond the marriage practices to the larger culture. After all, this is a limited form of polygamy (polygyny only) with a limit of four wives to one husband, and there are other restrictions, especially on women, including when it comes to employment and finances. With gender equality and the freedom to other forms of polygamy (grouping, polyandry), women would have more power over their own lives.

Nobody should promise to provide a certain amount of time and financial resources to someone else and then abandon or change that promise without mutual agreement. The other person should be truly free to leave with their share of the resources if things are changed.

I don’t like to see studies and articles like this used to paint poly bad with a broad brush. There are some women who enjoy polygyny, especially independent women, like a woman who will feel smothered and put upon if her husband is always depending on her for attention.

A Muslim Perspective on the Freedom to Marry

At Altmuslimah, Laura Miller wrote about the freedom to marry from a Muslim perspective, mostly centered on the freedom of same-sex couples.

There are Muslim women, even here in the United States, who believe that there aren’t a lot of suitable men to go around, and perhaps sharing one of the “good men” is the closest she’ll come to having what she wants – a decent marriage. You don’t have to agree with polygamy, just like you don’t have to agree with gay marriage – but if personal beliefs are not to be the basis for policymaking, then what do governments who allow gay marriage have against sanctioning polygamy?

Sometimes, governments change only as much as the people demand. This is why everyone who wants the freedom to marry needs to speak up, recruit friends, and fight in solidarity for full marriage equality.

Some Saudi Muslims Promoting Polygyny

Apparently, some Saudi Muslims are promoting polygyny, noting that their faith allows men to have fours wives. They believe not enough people are taking advantage of this.

Women like Saudi journalist Nadine al-Bedair may be part of the reason for the practice's waning popularity. Al-Bedair wrote an article last year in the newspaper Al Masry Al Youm arguing that polygamy is an unfair practice, and should be allowed for both men and women (the law dictates that only men can take multiple spouses).

She’s right. Polyandry should be allowed the same as polygyny, and equal numbers of husbands and wives should be allowed in the same marriage, whether that is one each, two each, three each, or four each. I know Islam doesn’t teach that, but the laws should provide for it.

She also called attention to the poor treatment of multiple spouses; in Islam, men aren't supposed to take another wife unless they can care for them equally.

Spouses being treated poorly can’t be blamed on any form of polygamy. Spouses in monogamous marriages or people living together unmarried or seeing each other but not living together are subject to various forms of poor treatment, including abuse.

But Saudi Arabia, one of the most conservative countries in the Middle East, has a political system that's hardly favorable to female equality. Women need a male guardian to study, access health services, travel abroad or have a business, and can't associate with a man who is not in their immediate family.

There’s the problem. Not someone consenting to be married.

"Polygamy's time is over," said Thomas Lippman, an adjunct senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations.

If you really believe that, then make sure people can do it if they want, and then let it die on its own. The same goes for any kind of relationship. While there may not be a large minority in a population seeking to enter into a given kind of relationship, laws against that kind of relationship should be repealed so that they can’t be used to persecute people who've decided to have those relationships.

Women, Lippman explains, are expensive. Each wife, for example, requires a private driver who must be paid for and housed.

Equality changes that dramatically.