It is time to let go

Have you ever been in a relationship before that has been hunting you even after marriage? Do you have a first love memory that gives you a teary eye? Does memories from your past relationships hurting your marriage?

If the questions ring a bell then it is time to let go! Before a couple enters marriage, either or both of couples had past love relationships. Most couples decide to get married after comparing or choosing from a previous relationship. Past relationships also develops a bond that has good or bad memories. Good memories from the past are normal but letting it affect your present marriage is the real issue. Some couples specifically those who have only recently got married tend to compare their partners with their past ones. Some even go to the extent of saying I am better off with him or with her.

I have three girlfriends from my past and it is hard to let go after a relationship. Before my wife and I got married, I had this relationship with a girl named Ana who does not want to end our affair. We were officemates and they would always tease us that we look good for each other. One day, she confronted me and asked me if I like her and if she can be my girlfriend. I was shocked because she was the one who proposed for a relationship. When I was saying I was kind to her because I was her friend, she suddenly said she is experiencing a heart attack. The relationship went on I tried but the feeling was not there. Ana was so jealous when I would talk to other women. I was entangled into a relationship that I was not happy at all.

She even said that she would take her life if I will break up with her. I said I have to end the relationship and I remember even pleading for my freedom. I told her honestly that I have to enter a new one. My wife and I had already a relationship and we were very happy but my wife had fights because of her. Ana would always call and say that she will be going to church and she is not feeling well and there is no one to accompany her. She would still make calls for me to accompany her even if she knows I was already in a new relationship. Months came and I guess my wife had her limits and told me to choose between the two of them. My wife was right I was already in a relationship with her so it would be unfair for her seeing someone else. I talked to Ana and said that I would have to stop seeing her. She said the same things that she would do bad things to herself. I would have to choose and it is a time to let go also for me. I would have to accept that if anything went wrong because of our brake up, I was not to blame. Whatever happens to Ana it would be her decision and it would not be my accountability.

I choose to have a relationship with my wife and let go of my bond with Ana. Yes, I know I had hurt her but it was the right thing to do. It was quite hard at first because I was frightened that she had done something bad to herself. I would always pray that she would also find the right man for her. I had also to fight for the person that I love most. It also took me months of having fear in my heart. I had to decide and let go of my guilt and fears for my present relationship.

If you are in this situation and you have fears, take my advice you have to come out and face the situation. It is better to decide now rather than sacrificing your present relationship. Do not let your past be your guide for your daily life. It is time to let go and embrace your new life. Leave that past behind. “If there are mistakes that you have done in the past then forgive also yourself and let it be a learning experience. If there are happy memories from your past relationship then let it remain only as a memory from the past!”

The Joe D' Mango Love story

Hello friends! I just like to share to you a touching story e-mailed to one of my friends matt. Here is an excerpt of the story. It talks about forgiveness and second chances. To all of the married couples I highly recommend this story. Please read be inspired and moved! You can read the full story here http://mattscradle.com/?p=328 Thank you friends!

                          “I LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF…”

What hurts most?

…when you can’t fight for that one thing that would make you happy…

…I may never be the guy you look forward to seeing every day…

…but I will always be the guy who will look out for you each and every day…

Sad Girl: “don’t make me feel that i’m just a selfish jerk just because I

made you cry”!

Sad Guy: “then don’t make me feel like I did nothing for you when I almost died crying just to see you smile…”Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And some ask ourselves: Will our actions echo across the centuries?

Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?

Love isn’t when you can’t sleep … it’s when you want to keep your eyes

open…

Love isn’t when you keep holding on … it’s when you learn to let go …

Love isn’t when you kill yourself with jealousy … it’s when you

understand …

Love isnt’ when you fall for someone … it’s when you catch that person

when she falls…

Love isn’t when you see her everywhere … it’s when you close your eyes

and she is still there …Love isn’t when you tell her what you feel … it’s when you give

everything for her sake…And Love isn’t when you think you were blind … it’s when you know she

was wrong but you didn’t mind!

http://mattscradle.com/?p=328

Letting go of the past

Have you ever waked up one evening because of a bad dream? A dream that has happened from your past and is still haunting you right at this very moment. Is this dream from your past dramatically affecting your life now?

His father has bitten one of my friends when he was a child. His father was an alcoholic and he would always be one of the victims of his fathers’ indiscriminate anger. His father would always call for a fight and yell at other people. Shattered windows and bad words have been an ordinary day for them after an alcohol session. He would even remember hiding inside the cabinet with his brothers and sisters so as not to be bitten by their father. At a young age he grew up to witness his father hurting their mother and his family, in short they are living in chaos and bitterness.

When my friend got married, he felt happiness and relief. He thought being married to a kindhearted wife would be the solution to his problem. Having a family of his own would remove the hurts in the past that he experienced from his father. One evening my friend confronted me and said he was having nightmares from his past. He would often wake up frightened and finding himself crying and trembling in a corner of their room. He was still caught in bondage of fear from his childhood. My friend confessed that even though he was not drinking alcohol he would sometimes spank his child and say rude things to his wife.

I advised my friend to start forgiving and letting go of the past. It was not that easy for a start because anger and bitterness have been rooted since his childhood. It has to be a choice and a decision in his part. He is still undergoing the healing process not only for himself but also primarily for his family.

In marriage, your spouse past not only affects him, it affects your children as well. The past should not be a place where we live, but something from which we learn. One of my favorite authors Stormie Omartian said, “God is a redeemer and a restorer. We need to allow Him to be both. He can redeem the past and restore what was lost. We can never move out of the present onto the future of what God has for us if we cling to and live in the past.”

Letting go of the past always starts with forgiveness, it is always a decision you have to make. Do not let your past affect your present and future life. If there are hurts that have been done in the past start pouring forgiveness into your heart so bitterness and anger would not prevail. Treat your past as a history to learn from it and not as a guide to your daily life.

Forgiveness and restoration

A couple entering marriage with childhood loads with them is normal. But doing the same mistakes like how your parents treated you to your children or letting your past anger be the thorn in your marriage is a huge problem. I have been a slave of indiscriminate anger and pointing my fingers and putting the blame to my parents didn’t help at all. It is a complete NO because it will only deepen your bitterness towards them and your children and your husband will be the target victim of your outburst anger.

My spouse confronted me with this situation and I discovered that the one thing that was lacking in my entire childhood is communication. My anger grew and grew because I kept it to myself. I didn’t share my problems to anybody, I often lock myself in my room and I didn’t have any person to listen to my troubles. If you feel you can’t open up to your husband at least find a trusted friend who can be a good listener.

To avoid making the same mistakes committed by your parents, you need to do the process of forgiveness and restoration. Forgiveness is a decision you have to make. It is a process and it doesn’t take overnight to undo everything. Embracing my mother more often and telling her that I love her personally is the hardest thing to do but the most important step to start your healing process.

Accepting to yourself that it has already been done and finished is the second step. Let go of the past because you can’t change it anymore. It will remain as a memory that needs not to be affecting your future. Forget and leave the bad memories behind but treasure the good memories and keep it us a learning tool for your future. Don’t let your past affect your future life for sure you will be the looser in the end! Break your bondage from your past memories. Try focusing on your present life and making your family a priority rather than harboring your anger and loosing the love of your family in the end.

I decided to let go of my hatred and set my eyes on loving my children and my partner. It was not an easy process but taking the first step can lead to a race to the finish line which is forgiveness and restoration. Don’t let those past memories ruin your future as I have always said to myself I love my family and I won’t let anybody or anything even try to destroy my family. If you are hurting now it’s time to Let Go my friend and accept the gradual changes in your life!