Letting go of the past

Have you ever waked up one evening because of a bad dream? A dream that has happened from your past and is still haunting you right at this very moment. Is this dream from your past dramatically affecting your life now?

His father has bitten one of my friends when he was a child. His father was an alcoholic and he would always be one of the victims of his fathers’ indiscriminate anger. His father would always call for a fight and yell at other people. Shattered windows and bad words have been an ordinary day for them after an alcohol session. He would even remember hiding inside the cabinet with his brothers and sisters so as not to be bitten by their father. At a young age he grew up to witness his father hurting their mother and his family, in short they are living in chaos and bitterness.

When my friend got married, he felt happiness and relief. He thought being married to a kindhearted wife would be the solution to his problem. Having a family of his own would remove the hurts in the past that he experienced from his father. One evening my friend confronted me and said he was having nightmares from his past. He would often wake up frightened and finding himself crying and trembling in a corner of their room. He was still caught in bondage of fear from his childhood. My friend confessed that even though he was not drinking alcohol he would sometimes spank his child and say rude things to his wife.

I advised my friend to start forgiving and letting go of the past. It was not that easy for a start because anger and bitterness have been rooted since his childhood. It has to be a choice and a decision in his part. He is still undergoing the healing process not only for himself but also primarily for his family.

In marriage, your spouse past not only affects him, it affects your children as well. The past should not be a place where we live, but something from which we learn. One of my favorite authors Stormie Omartian said, “God is a redeemer and a restorer. We need to allow Him to be both. He can redeem the past and restore what was lost. We can never move out of the present onto the future of what God has for us if we cling to and live in the past.”

Letting go of the past always starts with forgiveness, it is always a decision you have to make. Do not let your past affect your present and future life. If there are hurts that have been done in the past start pouring forgiveness into your heart so bitterness and anger would not prevail. Treat your past as a history to learn from it and not as a guide to your daily life.