Showing posts with label Matthew. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Matthew. Show all posts
Friday, December 10, 2010
A Happy Triad That Deserves Equality
I'd added another page. The triad who inspired this blog let me interview them.
Friday, August 27, 2010
The Kindness of Strangers
I haven’t written much about the “PCM” that inspired me to start blogging. As I’ve said, my friends are private people and somewhat shy and guarded, as they can be prosecuted in most states in our nation simply for expressing their love for each other in certain ways. There aren’t too many people who know the true nature of their relationship. If they go some place other than where they are known, they can be more open with their affection, to varying degrees. There are still places hostile to even mere same-sex hand-holding, or an older woman with a younger man. And of course, unless you’re at a specifically poly gathering, you are unlikely to see three or more people flirting with each other. Even in an environment that welcomes all of those things, revealing their biological relationships could bring trouble.
Conversely, if someone knows their biological connection, then Linda, Matthew, and Melissa probably will have to hold back on the flirting and affection. In such a situation, I can play the boyfriend to either Linda or Melissa, which I don’t mind in the least of course, but it is sad that they have to hold back and be careful about each other.
They long for the law and society to stop trying to limit or punish their love for each other. I do too. Ideally, they should have the option to legally marry. It seems society is moving that way, but it is doing so at a painfully slow rate.
This brings me to the kindness of strangers to which I referred in the title. Some people are more understanding, even supportive. One of them is, supposedly, a complete stranger. I say “supposedly” because the world can be small and who knows who you are really dealing with online? But this stranger, an ordained minister, actually offered to marry Linda, Matthew, and Melissa. It wouldn’t be legally recognized, but at least it would be something. The offer itself, though, is so touching, especially since it comes from a stranger. I’ll let the stranger identify himself if he chooses, He knows who he is.
As it turns out, we know an ordained minister who has already offered to put the “M” in this PCM. My friends are thinking about it (and I think they will accept the offer). Even though it wouldn’t be legally binding or recognized, there are many considerations. Would they be “giving up” by getting married without legal recognition? I say no, but they have to be true to themselves. I say they should take what they can get, and that brings me to another consideration… that they would be making vows to each other in front of witnesses, vows that would be important to them even without legal recognition. The relationship is still relatively new, and Melissa and Matthew are still on the younger side when it comes to the age people are marrying these days. As Melissa puts it, she'd be hesitant to get married at this age even if she was in a long-term relationship with someone she could legally marry. They all agree that things are better than they could have imagined in terms of their feelings for each other and how they get along, but they also know the outside pressures are probably going to be around for a while. That's a lot to consider.
With so much hate and animosity in the world, it is nice to have the kindness of strangers, or in this case, one stranger.
Conversely, if someone knows their biological connection, then Linda, Matthew, and Melissa probably will have to hold back on the flirting and affection. In such a situation, I can play the boyfriend to either Linda or Melissa, which I don’t mind in the least of course, but it is sad that they have to hold back and be careful about each other.
They long for the law and society to stop trying to limit or punish their love for each other. I do too. Ideally, they should have the option to legally marry. It seems society is moving that way, but it is doing so at a painfully slow rate.
This brings me to the kindness of strangers to which I referred in the title. Some people are more understanding, even supportive. One of them is, supposedly, a complete stranger. I say “supposedly” because the world can be small and who knows who you are really dealing with online? But this stranger, an ordained minister, actually offered to marry Linda, Matthew, and Melissa. It wouldn’t be legally recognized, but at least it would be something. The offer itself, though, is so touching, especially since it comes from a stranger. I’ll let the stranger identify himself if he chooses, He knows who he is.
As it turns out, we know an ordained minister who has already offered to put the “M” in this PCM. My friends are thinking about it (and I think they will accept the offer). Even though it wouldn’t be legally binding or recognized, there are many considerations. Would they be “giving up” by getting married without legal recognition? I say no, but they have to be true to themselves. I say they should take what they can get, and that brings me to another consideration… that they would be making vows to each other in front of witnesses, vows that would be important to them even without legal recognition. The relationship is still relatively new, and Melissa and Matthew are still on the younger side when it comes to the age people are marrying these days. As Melissa puts it, she'd be hesitant to get married at this age even if she was in a long-term relationship with someone she could legally marry. They all agree that things are better than they could have imagined in terms of their feelings for each other and how they get along, but they also know the outside pressures are probably going to be around for a while. That's a lot to consider.
With so much hate and animosity in the world, it is nice to have the kindness of strangers, or in this case, one stranger.
Friday, July 23, 2010
A Little About Who I Am, Or Not
Time to talk about the behind-the-scenes stuff around here, as opposed to the latest news around the world. More specifically, who I am not. I don’t think I’ve been clear enough – I’m not Linda, Matthew, or Melissa. I count all three as friends. I am a poly male. I am not involved (at least, I haven't been) with any of MY biological relatives.
Linda, Matthew, and Melissa are great, normal people. Their bonds with each other are beautiful and inspiring. I'm a bit envious, actually, but not in a mean way. I enjoy being with them.
They are too shy or reserved or cautious to do the blogging themselves. So with their permission I took it up, as long as I keep their identities private. I plan to write more about them and my connection with them soon.
I am passionate about the freedom to marry. If anyone should have it, they should. They are wonderful people and very loving to each other.
Linda, Matthew, and Melissa are great, normal people. Their bonds with each other are beautiful and inspiring. I'm a bit envious, actually, but not in a mean way. I enjoy being with them.
They are too shy or reserved or cautious to do the blogging themselves. So with their permission I took it up, as long as I keep their identities private. I plan to write more about them and my connection with them soon.
I am passionate about the freedom to marry. If anyone should have it, they should. They are wonderful people and very loving to each other.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Why I Started This Blog
Meet Melissa. No, I’m not putting up her picture, because until there is change, she faces too much persecution. But imagine a bright, beautiful, healthy, kind young woman who has matured from a fairly happy childhood. She has received a Sociology degree from a top university and is working on her Masters in addition to having started her career.
A couple of years ago, Melissa met an older woman - older to her, anyway - named Linda and felt an instant connection with her. It turns out the feeling was mutual. They found that they were attracted to each other in many ways, including physically – after all, both Linda and Melissa are what most people would consider attractive.
They would have married if they could, but they can’t. It isn’t because they are both women. Women can marry each other in several places in the United States. It is because Linda is Melissa’s biological mother, and the law will not allow them to marry.
Melissa was raised mainly by her paternal grandparents, who fought for custody of Melissa. At the time, Linda was still a teenager, and from very modest means, while Melissa’s paternal grandparents were very well off and had excellent legal representation, and to be fair, were capable of providing Melissa with an intact, stable home with two parents.
Melissa’s father, tragically, died young.
But this isn’t the whole story. Linda had previously given birth by the same father, her teenaged sweetheart. When Linda’s mother found out she was impregnated at age 15, she sent Linda away from her sweetheart to be with relatives in another state. Linda’s sweetheart was kept in the dark about her pregnancy. He did not know where she was, or that she gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Matthew, who was put up for adoption.
At 18, Linda, as a legal adult, reunited with her sweetheart, and that is when she got pregnant by him a second time.
Things got tumultuous.
After the dust settled, Linda had lost her sweetheart to death and Melissa to her sweetheart’s parents. Linda had a tough time moving forward.
But she did.
She became an accomplished professional and a good citizen, contributing to her community. She attracted lots of romantic interest, and discovered that she was not only attracted to men. But she never quite found someone with whom she wanted to share the rest of her life, until Melissa came back into her life.
Linda and Melissa found that one of the things they have in common is their attraction to both men and women. Since they had already fallen in love with each other despite legal and social discouragements, it wasn’t too surprising that when Matthew made contact with Linda, his birth mother, and met both her and Melissa, that they all fell in love with each other. They want to share their life together.
It is possible that Linda, Melissa, and Matthew are experiencing what has been described as Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA). Whatever labels are applied to it, they describe - and their behavior demonstrates – a deep, warm, caring, affectionate love that goes beyond public approved mother-child or sibling relationships.
Because of bigotry in law, in social circles, and elsewhere, they are not free to be open in their love for each other; they do not reveal the true level and nature of their connection to each other to more than a handful of people, but they hope that not only will the law allow them to openly express their true love, but that they will be able to marry.
Those of us who do know them know that they are in love and deserve marriage equality. They should be able to share a home with all of the legalities of marriage, and all of the social support that anybody else gets when they marry. Can we count on your support?
(Names have been changed to protect these consenting, taxpaying adults from oppression, harassment, prejudice, and bigotry.)
A couple of years ago, Melissa met an older woman - older to her, anyway - named Linda and felt an instant connection with her. It turns out the feeling was mutual. They found that they were attracted to each other in many ways, including physically – after all, both Linda and Melissa are what most people would consider attractive.
They would have married if they could, but they can’t. It isn’t because they are both women. Women can marry each other in several places in the United States. It is because Linda is Melissa’s biological mother, and the law will not allow them to marry.
Melissa was raised mainly by her paternal grandparents, who fought for custody of Melissa. At the time, Linda was still a teenager, and from very modest means, while Melissa’s paternal grandparents were very well off and had excellent legal representation, and to be fair, were capable of providing Melissa with an intact, stable home with two parents.
Melissa’s father, tragically, died young.
But this isn’t the whole story. Linda had previously given birth by the same father, her teenaged sweetheart. When Linda’s mother found out she was impregnated at age 15, she sent Linda away from her sweetheart to be with relatives in another state. Linda’s sweetheart was kept in the dark about her pregnancy. He did not know where she was, or that she gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Matthew, who was put up for adoption.
At 18, Linda, as a legal adult, reunited with her sweetheart, and that is when she got pregnant by him a second time.
Things got tumultuous.
After the dust settled, Linda had lost her sweetheart to death and Melissa to her sweetheart’s parents. Linda had a tough time moving forward.
But she did.
She became an accomplished professional and a good citizen, contributing to her community. She attracted lots of romantic interest, and discovered that she was not only attracted to men. But she never quite found someone with whom she wanted to share the rest of her life, until Melissa came back into her life.
Linda and Melissa found that one of the things they have in common is their attraction to both men and women. Since they had already fallen in love with each other despite legal and social discouragements, it wasn’t too surprising that when Matthew made contact with Linda, his birth mother, and met both her and Melissa, that they all fell in love with each other. They want to share their life together.
It is possible that Linda, Melissa, and Matthew are experiencing what has been described as Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA). Whatever labels are applied to it, they describe - and their behavior demonstrates – a deep, warm, caring, affectionate love that goes beyond public approved mother-child or sibling relationships.
Because of bigotry in law, in social circles, and elsewhere, they are not free to be open in their love for each other; they do not reveal the true level and nature of their connection to each other to more than a handful of people, but they hope that not only will the law allow them to openly express their true love, but that they will be able to marry.
Those of us who do know them know that they are in love and deserve marriage equality. They should be able to share a home with all of the legalities of marriage, and all of the social support that anybody else gets when they marry. Can we count on your support?
(Names have been changed to protect these consenting, taxpaying adults from oppression, harassment, prejudice, and bigotry.)
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