“It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it!”

Marriage is hard if one of the parties is rude, discourteous, inconsiderate and cruel. Nothing is more upsetting if your spouse turns into a hot pot and you become the shock absorber every time he torments you with insults. My wife and I have witnessed couples being separated because the wife have been treated rudely that she felt bitter and she was turning into a person she never wanted to be. Husbands who have left home because their wives always nagged them and yelled at them in front of other people.

I remember my wife’s friend who always complains about his husband. His husband’s colleagues would always go to their home and drink liquor. They would sing loud songs and do the usual stuff of drinking beer until they almost fall asleep. Being a mother, she would always complain about his husband’s behavior of being rude and saying bad words that was eventually affecting their children. It was not already healthy for their kids to see their father almost every day being drunk and saying harmful things against them. At first, it was a verbal abuse but as years goes by the perfect home that they dreamed of crumbled. The husband became an alcoholic and rude that lead him to hurt his wife and children. Finally, my wife’s friend decided to have separate ways, not only for herself but also most especially for her children.

Most men have no idea about the power of their voice. A man’s voice has the power to create and to destroy. His words can be like a sword that wounds or a shield that protects or soothes a wounded heart. On the other hand, the voice of a woman is like a crafted violin that brings out the nicest tune. A right tune that calms the home, but a woman with a harsh voice brings torment to every member of the home.

Talk honestly with your partner if there are issues that should be settled. By all means, settle disputes and lay down every opinion on the table. However, do not let your feelings be weapons of criticism that will destroy your respect and communication to each other. Be calm and try to understand each other’s thoughts. Correct each other in love and avoid useless confrontations. As what I always say, “It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.”

Partners for a lifetime

For years, my wife has a heart ailment and cared a little about exercise. She would rather do household chores or read a book than doing an exercise. I would buy video tapes and let her watch health programs but it seems it has no effect on her. I would always ask her a question “why are you not listening every time I talk about your health problem?” My wife would always tell me “I’m busy taking care of you and our children. I have no time for those exercises”.

My wife had a heart attack recently and luckily, I was home to comfort her. Being with my wife and doing the household chores and taking care of our children gave me the answers to my question. My wife was so busy taking care of us and no one was taking care of her. She would always be busy doing things for us and she forgot herself. She devoted almost all her time to show her love for us but neglecting her needs in the end.

After a week, I talked to my wife and let her do the talking I was there just to listen. My wife said, “I can be with the Lord anytime and showing my love for you is the least thing that I can do.”I told her “You can show your love to us by taking care of us but please don’t overdo it! Please take time to relax and give time for yourself. When you are hurt or sick, your children and I will suffer in the end. We love you, being with us and seeing you healthy and well will give us more happiness rather than doing chores on a hard way. So please take care of yourself not just for me but also as a wife and a mother.” Now, to prove that we are partners for a lifetime and in all things doing exercise with the whole family became one of our happy bonding moments.

I do not want to sound dramatic but I do not care how people would respond but I love my wife dearly and I would do anything for her. I am always praying for her health and I know God heals; He has a reason and a time for everything. If you are experiencing the same and you often pray for healing but nothing happens, do not stop and do not be dismayed. Pray for your partner’s health and leave it in God’s hands. Always remember your bond in your marriage “In sickness and in health till death do us part.”Be true to your bond and be partners for a lifetime!

The beauty inside her

My eldest child just graduated from pre-school last week and she was the first in her class. Before we went to her graduation ceremony, my child would be a lot of concerned about the way she looks. She would always ask, “Daddy am I beautiful, honestly do I look good?” I would smile back and say, “You’re the most beautiful girl in my life and you will always be.” At her young age, telling her that she is beautiful always brings a twinkle to her eyes.

This attitude of a woman I tell you does not change from her age. A young or an older woman loves to hear that she is beautiful especially from her husband. Your love can literally make your wife beautiful. How could you expect your wife to be beautiful if she always hear rude words and treats her in an ill-mannered way? Husbands should learn to appreciate the love and service that a wife gives. She does not ask for money in return of her efforts so at least a little attention from a husband will not matter much. Your wife is like a flower that needs water to grow and you as a man of her life are the water that would nourish and give her a reason to grow beautiful. Without your love and attention, your wife can dry up and loose the beauty inside her.

Your wife is beautiful, regardless what her age is. I know it personally because man got attracted first to the physical attributes of a woman and character comes at the latter part. You married her because there is beauty inside her in some way. If there, have been hurts in the past that hinders you in looking at the beauty of your wife inside and out, forgive and try to focus on the positives. Stop focusing on her negative attitudes and start to look at the positive things that your wife has.

If you like to see the beauty inside her it is up to you! Start now by appreciating what she is doing, saying I love you or a smile every time you go home even though you’re tired at work, hugging her and saying I thank God that He has given me a wonderful wife and a secret don’t stop courting your wife. Courtship must not stop after marriage it should be a lifetime process. Do this and your wife would be beautiful and glowing inside and out I guarantee that!

Treat her right!

Hello, it is evening here in our country and I am here sitting trying to relax and recall the activities of this day. I went home tired, hungry and a bit rude to my wife. I said, “Where’s the spoon, fork and will you give me a glass of water, I’m terribly hungry will you give it fast”. My children followed me and demanded the same things to my wife. Focused on my own exhausted day, without knowing I offended my wife. My wife talked to me and said, “Will you pls. be kind enough I am your wife and a mother I am not your waitress. Yes, I can give you all my service because I love you but please don’t try again to rush me in doing things pls. treat me right.” My wife and I talked and settled things right there. I assured her that I love her and I did not mean to hurt her. It was not just an eye opener for me it was an eyes wide shut experience for me.

Let us be honest friends if you did not for once have done this to your wife probably your just denying it! I read a book before about women attitudes to their spouse and I would like to tell you women do not usually express their emotions to their husbands. Your wife does not want to be your mother that sets rules for you to follow. It will surely give her grounds to disrespect you. Your wife does not want to be your little sister that follows your commands like a big brother or worst your wife does not want to be your maid that follows your every command. It will make her feel that you have lost love for her.

“My friends learn to appreciate your wife. Treat her right and I guarantee you she will be your greatest treasure for a lifetime! “

In-laws and partner relationship

My in-laws have just visited us a couple of weeks ago and I would say I am blessed to have them as my second parents. They are both born-again Christians and at first it was an issue for them because I am a Catholic and they would prefer their child to be married to a born again Christian. It was not because of my religion I presumed it’s just they want their daughter to marry a deserving man!”However, as years go by they accepted me in their family and they treated me as one of their own child! I’m more than glad and honored to be a part of their family!”

Your in-laws and partner relationship can be a hypersensitive case. Accepting and embracing a new person in their family cannot be that easy. This issue is but normal so do not expect your spouse to have an established bonding immediately. The truth is it will be affected primarily on you, on how you treat your spouse in front of them! Here are a few reminders:

 Do you say good things about your spouse in front of them or do you always complain about the negative attitudes of your spouse? – Building the personality of your other half in their minds will depend practically on you. When you always say cruel things about your spouse, they will obviously believe you and put into conclusion that you have made the wrong decision of marrying your partner. When you always say good things, about how your spouse takes good care or loves you then your family members will think that your partner is a valuable person, an asset that deserves their acceptance, love and good treatment. However, of course always show good treatment because you really love your spouse and not just to get their approval!

Try to resolve your problems within your home. If possible, do not let them know about your personal problems except of course when endangering your life is the issue. Going to the counsel of your family every time a petty problem arises will create more commotions and will not solve the problem.

Now, what to do about your in-laws and partner relationship?

•Encourage your partner to share their feelings towards your family members. If he or she reveals of something take time to listen, cover it with prayer, and ask God to get in the middle of the situation.

•Maintain a personal contact with your in-laws and always go to family member’s party with your partner.

•Try at least to be with her and introduce to other family members do not leave her in a corner to give your spouse a chance to feel alienated or out of placed.

•Bond with your in-laws and find their interest. If your in-laws are into sports then invite them to recreational events like bowling, playing tennis, golf or any sport that are of interest to them.

•Do not expect instant bonding and for your family to accept your spouse with open arms. It takes lot of time and effort on everybody’s part!

How you can earn your spouse trust?

Here are some points I would share to you to gain the trust of your spouse:

First, be consistently honest. Being truthful means keeping your word. If you say, I will be having overtime in my work, and then do so. Do not tell your spouse I will be in our office doing work and when your spouse calls your office phone, you are not there. These are the usual scenes when your spouse starts to have disturbing things in her mind! Be truthful say where will you be going and who will be your companions. If you want your mate to be true to you then do not do otherwise.

Second, be careful avoid doing things that can violate their trust. Adultery is the no. 1 enemy of trust. Researchers say that if spouses had been cheated once, it changes him or her forever! Be careful of your actions specially if he or she sees your actions around other women or men that will make them feel insecure.

Third, Love each other because it is a joy for both of you and not just as a mere obligation or duty of being a couple. Remember marriage is not just a bond done in a piece of paper it is done in front of God and trusted people who have witnessed your love for each other.

Fourth, Seek God’s help. Be prayerfully patient about this issue in marriage. As what they say, “Trust is broken quickly but takes time to restore”.

Appreciating your wife's motherhood

I just got my paycheck and it was a relief to accept payments for your efforts. A woman being a wife and a mother does not know these things. She is not paid for her efforts, no sick and vacation leaves and always on overtime. Before I got married, I just wondered how woman could survive being a mother and a wife without being paid for their efforts. Wives have a greater role in doing household chores, taking care of kids, and doing it every day can be stressful and exhausting. However, if a woman gives appropriate care and time to her husband and children she will get her reward for her life- giving labor of love.

When I got married, it is then when I learned how to appreciate wives and mothers most especially. My wife would do the household chores; take care of our children, which she is good. We had two maids before but they cannot meet our demands especially in taking good care of our baby. She resigned from her job and decided to be a full-time homemaker so she can focus her attention to our family. At first, it was quite hard because she had been working from the time she graduated. However, she realized that although she is not paid for her efforts she got the benefits of having my love and loyalty, out-pouring love of our children and a more peaceful and smooth marriage.

Saying simple things like “I love you”, “You look wonderful” or a simple “I love the food you cooked” can make your wife feel important. To show my appreciation, during Sundays I would do cooking and play with my kids. My wife would have her time to rest for a while and enjoy her moment. She would often read her favorite books and do researches in the internet. So, do not be surprised if one day she will be joining me to be one of the authors in my blog. Spouses need to learn how to bring back their love language. If you cannot think of something, then go back to the first cherished day you met your wife. The ways you did when you courted her and how did you get her to say yes to marry you.

Your wife is a gift from God and if you make her feel important, significant and admired, she will prove to be your most valuable asset for a lifetime!

Gaining respect

Good Morning! Just in time for a cup of tea! I have just finished reading my bible and I am more than happy to share to you my thoughts about this bible verse.
“However each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) I presume that one way or the other once in our married life we have been disrespectful to our partner.

Words like You are late always late when will you ever change! Alternatively, nagging your husband why he came home late, does this ring a bell? Of course, you must have been dishonest to yourself if for once you have not done that. “IT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAY; IT’S HOW YOU SAY IT.”

A man usually gives comfort to his family but a rude man can be terrifying and brings fear to his wife and children. A man’s voice has the power to build a home, generate a happy marriage or has the power to ruin and destroy a home it. While a woman must not humiliate his husband no matter how she thinks, he deserves it. Loss of love comes after a loss of respect and the price is too high and serious to a man, than wives realize. My wife and I had known couples who have separated ways because of indiscriminate anger that became the root of bitterness and disrespectfulness of both or one of the partners involved. Shouting in front of many people totally humiliates a person and it is the lowest form of disrespectfulness. Yes guys it is a huge No for a relationship.

If this has already happened to you, and you know you have shown disrespect to your partner,

•Pray and confess it to God today. Forgive if your spouse has done it to you.

•Take action and STOP settling on the negatives. Let your love grow try to search for the positives and reasons on why you married that person in the first place.

•Keep the tone of your voice under control; it is choice a decision you have to make!

•Be slow to speak. Think first. If you have, words that can humiliate that person it would be better not tell him, but if your words are true, enough even though it will hurt that person speak it with love and respect.

•Remember we are created differently so each and one of us has flaws!

•One of our marriage vows is to honor our spouse. In addition, honor means respect and always giving a kind response and controlling the tone of your voice is one of the symbols of respect.

•Moreover, for the end time “IT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAY, IT’S HOW YOU SAY IT.”