Marriage after saying "I do"

The family is the closest and most tender bond here on earth. It was designed to be a blessing to humanity. It is a blessing wherever the marriage covenant is entered with the fear of God and with due consideration for its responsibilities.

Those who are going to marriage should consider what would be the character and influence of the home they will be making. As they will become parents, a sacred trust and responsibility is chained to them. Upon them depends a great measure of the well-being of their children and solely affects their future happiness. Largely they determine both the physical and moral qualities that these young ones receive.

Before assuming the responsibilities inside marriage, couples to be should have an experience in practical life that will prepare them for their future duties and obligations. For me early marriage must not be encouraged. A marriage is not as easy as saying the word “I do”. It involves great courage to face the real world of marriage. A relation as important as marriage and so extensive is the results that should not be entered with haste and without sufficient preparation. Couples entering marriage should be prepared physically, emotionally and mentally.

As one book have said “Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every character in the one with whom they think to unite their life and destiny.” Consider every step in marriage with humility, sincerity, patience, simplicity, respect and with a purpose to be in God’s guidance.

Marriage when saying, “I do” is just the beginning. The real union of a couple in a wedding is the work of the after years. Husband and wife will learn each other’s character as they stay under one roof. This is the most critical period in a marriage. Irritations and arguments steps in. The happiness and strength of a marriage depends upon taking the right course now. Adjustments must be made and seek positives rather than the defects of your partner. Though differences and discouragements may arise, let not let it be a union of mistake and discouragement. Continue determining to be all that is possible to each other. In every way, encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Always be there to support and exert every effort to be there for your partner.

Let each couple give love rather than expecting a perfect and exact love. Let them give what they have to give. Learn to uplift and develop each other and be quick to recognize the positive attitudes of each other.”Sympathy and respect encourage the striving after excellence, and love itself increases as it stimulates to nobler aims.”

“It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it!”

Marriage is hard if one of the parties is rude, discourteous, inconsiderate and cruel. Nothing is more upsetting if your spouse turns into a hot pot and you become the shock absorber every time he torments you with insults. My wife and I have witnessed couples being separated because the wife have been treated rudely that she felt bitter and she was turning into a person she never wanted to be. Husbands who have left home because their wives always nagged them and yelled at them in front of other people.

I remember my wife’s friend who always complains about his husband. His husband’s colleagues would always go to their home and drink liquor. They would sing loud songs and do the usual stuff of drinking beer until they almost fall asleep. Being a mother, she would always complain about his husband’s behavior of being rude and saying bad words that was eventually affecting their children. It was not already healthy for their kids to see their father almost every day being drunk and saying harmful things against them. At first, it was a verbal abuse but as years goes by the perfect home that they dreamed of crumbled. The husband became an alcoholic and rude that lead him to hurt his wife and children. Finally, my wife’s friend decided to have separate ways, not only for herself but also most especially for her children.

Most men have no idea about the power of their voice. A man’s voice has the power to create and to destroy. His words can be like a sword that wounds or a shield that protects or soothes a wounded heart. On the other hand, the voice of a woman is like a crafted violin that brings out the nicest tune. A right tune that calms the home, but a woman with a harsh voice brings torment to every member of the home.

Talk honestly with your partner if there are issues that should be settled. By all means, settle disputes and lay down every opinion on the table. However, do not let your feelings be weapons of criticism that will destroy your respect and communication to each other. Be calm and try to understand each other’s thoughts. Correct each other in love and avoid useless confrontations. As what I always say, “It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.”

Having a perfect partner

All couples who marry desires to have a perfect partner. It is always our dream to have a perfect one that will meet our every need. However, in reality if you love someone it is always a perfect time to let go of those expectations.

In our early marriage, I would often go home late at night. My wife would complain because she cannot count how many number of times I would promise to go home for dinner but then came home late from work. She would prepare my favorite food only to find out that I would work overtime and eat in our office. It was really an irritating situation for both of us especially when the kids are waiting for me for dinner. My wife talked to me one night and cried she said that she expected a husband that would give his family quantity and quality time. I also said that when I got married, I also expected a wife that will understand me of my chosen profession as an Engineer. I would work most of the times late at night and be assigned to different destinations. We expected many things from each other like having time that was not being met at all. We would always be arguing and similar ones happened far too frequently.

We finally learned and settled that it would be healthier for both of us if we rearranged are expectations. We realized that it did no good to be angry and resentful. All we need is to adjust and meet each other’s expectations. My wife would call me before she cooks our food and I would have scheduled overtimes on specific days so us not to hamper my time with my family. When disappointing things happen, it is better to remind ourselves of our partner’s good qualities.

Let go of as many expectations as possible. Understand always each other in love. The changes you try to make your partner to whom you would like him to be would only bring disappointment. Instead, accept your partner the way he is and make the necessary adjustments. In marriage, couples are always a team. Learn to trust your partner that both of you are on the same team and not an opponent.

How to get your finances in order

For most marriage couples finances or money matters have been a frequent issue. Many couples usually get into arguments on how to get their finances in order. You can get your finances in control if you have a shared dedication, proper choices and a realistic financial plan.

Every married couple must have a budget plan. A budget is nothing more than a predetermined spending plan that puts into practice the objectives you have developed together. For example; if both of you have budgeted seven hundred dollars for a vacation trip, when you spend within that amount there will be no guilty conscience on your part. When shopping with your family you can set aside an amount to be spent for your kids, wife and other needed necessities.

• Do not go to a mall and shop without an object on your mind this will result to impulsive buying that will lead to unwanted amounts on your credit card payments.

• You can estimate your expenses every month and set aside a budget for each category. Set aside a budget for primary commodities like house rent or mortgage, groceries, water and electric payments, tuition fees etc. As you estimate your expenses, you can probably come close to the actual numbers.

• Both of you must analyze and talk about the situation. Discuss about what you owe, what you own and where you are spending your money. Solve one problem at a time. For example, you want to prepare for your child’s education. Start saving a few dollars every month in a bank or invest in a proven and stable college education plan company. By doing that you will also develop a habit of saving on your part.

Couples go through their marriage having financial issues in their marriage, and the major requirement is discipline. Discipline does not mean a change in your entire lifestyle. You can narrow down your expenses by choosing the right lifestyle inclined for your family. You are a couple now, you are not on your own so adjusting with your finances, lifestyle, and reordering your priorities is a part of your package in marriage.

Recurring arguments can be habit forming

Every married couple knows that arguments are unavoidable. Arguments are a normal part of marriage. That is because it is not easy living and becoming one with a different person. Each person has flaws and adjustments are to be made for your marriage to work out. When you got married to your partner you agreed to be one so changes in your marriage does not require only one spouse but both of you should work it out. Occasional arguments are ok because it gives out the individuality of a couple but recurring arguments that becomes habit forming is highly unacceptable in a marriage.

I know of a man whose habit is becoming irritated and miserable. He would always see things in a negative way and argues about everything even in good news. He always looks life as a burden and is a misfortune. Because of that, all of the people around him particularly his family were affected emotionally. Recurring arguments can be habit forming and this has been one of their struggles in their marriage. They would shout at each other and even hurt each other in front of people. One of the authors in my favorite book would always say “Nothing makes a marriage feel like hell on earth and nothing is more upsetting or emotional provoking, nothing does more to bring out the worst in us than a marriage where the partners is lacking in common courtesy.”We do not want to be like that man, nor do we want to live with one.

Recurring arguments can be habit forming so the best thing to do is to deal with it immediately. If you would allow having an argument to consistently arise, it will make your marriage miserable. When you deal with an argument talk with a low tone voice and watch your words. “A louder voice can’t get your partners attention, an angry voice always have uglier words, thus leads to more disputes and arguments”.

After discussing both of you must clean up the mess. Be well mannered and accept each other’s differences. Settle the issue and decide what must have to be done in a compassionate and respectful manner. Be kind hearted and wipe each other’s tears after the fight. The best things to do when arguments arise in a relationship learn to say “I am wrong” or “You are right”. Be always humble and love your partner unconditionally that is what couples are partners for a lifetime!

Treat her right!

Hello, it is evening here in our country and I am here sitting trying to relax and recall the activities of this day. I went home tired, hungry and a bit rude to my wife. I said, “Where’s the spoon, fork and will you give me a glass of water, I’m terribly hungry will you give it fast”. My children followed me and demanded the same things to my wife. Focused on my own exhausted day, without knowing I offended my wife. My wife talked to me and said, “Will you pls. be kind enough I am your wife and a mother I am not your waitress. Yes, I can give you all my service because I love you but please don’t try again to rush me in doing things pls. treat me right.” My wife and I talked and settled things right there. I assured her that I love her and I did not mean to hurt her. It was not just an eye opener for me it was an eyes wide shut experience for me.

Let us be honest friends if you did not for once have done this to your wife probably your just denying it! I read a book before about women attitudes to their spouse and I would like to tell you women do not usually express their emotions to their husbands. Your wife does not want to be your mother that sets rules for you to follow. It will surely give her grounds to disrespect you. Your wife does not want to be your little sister that follows your commands like a big brother or worst your wife does not want to be your maid that follows your every command. It will make her feel that you have lost love for her.

“My friends learn to appreciate your wife. Treat her right and I guarantee you she will be your greatest treasure for a lifetime! “

"Marriage takes two to tango"

“Marriage takes two to tango!" This quote most probably is the frequently used quotes about marriage. It did not say one it says two, which means both of the couple, must do everything to have their marriage work. Many couples lead to broken homes because each of the couples insists that it is one’s fault or the other. Having lack of communication and letting anger and bitterness sink in is the core of broken relationships!

My wife and I have been married for 10 years and until now; experiencing fights and irritations have been normal day-to-day happenings for us. There are times when our love for each other is strong and passionate. However, there are times when you begin to ask your love for your spouse or your spouse love for you. Increasing and doing same things repeatedly in our relationship becomes tiring and boring. The old courtship romance in our marriage was gone; our love was like a candle that slowly melts its wax, and losses light!

If you are on this stage it is normal, every couple is undergoing what we call marriage blues! Set a time for you and your wife to sit and talk about these differences without having to tone up voices and kids playing around. You can talk when your kids are not around or when the kids are sleeping. Speak to each other as a point to inform your negative feelings about a certain issue remember both of you are created not in the same way so each of you need to adjust and let’s face it guys we are people no one is perfect.

One of the secrets I do is to always hug my wife and tell her that I love her! This simple touch gestures believe me can regenerate your love communication and romance. Being verbal saying thank you and expressing appreciation, as a simple the food you cooked was great will surely give your wife a smile! Make her feel important, most woman love to hear pleasant words, a verbal appreciation for their work or positive attitude or a simple I love you text message can rekindle the courtship romance in your marriage. Of course, this method will work in both ways. Each spouse needs to learn how to bring back the love language. If you cannot think of something then go back to the first cherished day you met your wife. The ways you did when you courted her and how did you get her to say yes to marry you.

Seeing my kids growing and my wife and I growing old I couldn’t think of being separated just because of this irritations or this have you lost this lovely feeling issues. I’d rather stooped down my pride, talk our differences and patch up things with my wife, have quality time with my kids rather than being separated and having my own way and to see my children suffer in the long run!

Do not give your marriage to chance!

Good day! I just finished looking at our wedding album and it brings back memories. When my wife and I got married just as every couple, we had many expectations. We planned that our marriage will always be happy and a total success. However, on our early marriage things did not turn out as we expected to be. There have been irritations, fights and misunderstandings.

My wife would often complain on my quality and quantity time for my family. I focused more on my work after marriage to increase our income, but I realized that too much work gradually decreased my time and attention to my family. My work is from 8-5pm but I will do overtime and go home past midnight. On weekends, I would have sidelines and missed important occasions of my family because of work. If I were home, I would sit in front of my computer and continue my unfinished office work. Financially we were going ok but my relationship with my wife and children suffered.

It was not until then my wife confronted me about this matter in tears. She said that she appreciated all what I was doing in my work to give them more than enough of what they need financially but they needed more of my time. She said that they love me and she wants me especially my kids to play and bond with them. I realized that it is not bad to work but do not overdo it! Yes, it is every man’s desire to have a good work and to give more than enough income to his family because admit it, it adds up to our identity. We should balance our time for work and our time for our family.

Couples have to accept reality in their marriage. Chances are there will be misunderstandings and irritations. Chances are there will be failures and unexpected problems that will arise. Chances are there will be people hurting and will be meddling in your marriage. Chances are there will be temptations on the way. Most couples do not end up long in their relationship because they give up adjusting and resolving these chances in marriage. They pack up, refused to handle the situation and end up in separate ways. However, a lasting marriage can be achieved if each couple can withstand disappointments and is willing to adjust to changes. Each couple must learn to accept the reality of marriage and support each other to their growth as a couple. All of us are created differently, all of us have flaws and chances are differences create disappointments. All of us must be prepared to change and adjust to have a lasting marriage. Do not give your marriage to chance! Chances are a reality!

Marriage Irritations

Marriage can be heaven or hell for some couples. That’s because it’s not easy living and becoming one with a different person. Each person has flaws and adjustments are to be made for your marriage to work out. When you got married to your mate you agreed to be one so changes in your marriage does not require only one spouse but both of you should grow together.

In early marriage, it’s normal for common things to turn into irritations. Though couples had much in common before they entered marriage, they also had different personalities. We are created individually and each of us has different traits and characteristics.

We are married for 10 years now but irritations and adjustments still become an everyday experience for us. Topics like finances, work frustrations, quality and quantity time happens to be our usual nuisance in our marriage. Things that contribute to annoyances are everywhere today and we have to accept that were fools if sometimes one way or the other we expect to have a perfect relationship. The Question is not on how many annoyances comes but on how we treat and on how we handle them points out to be the real issue! Here are some points to remember:

•Stop the negative habit – If it is becoming easier for you to spot the wrong attitudes of your spouse rather than observing on your spouse positive traits, it’s time to stop what you are doing. One of the practical ways is to reflect and ponder on your own self. Before looking at your spouse faults try considering your own self first. Second, Change your focus instead be in agreement to say positive statements to your spouse before pointing on the negative one. By focusing on the positive traits you will be reminded just why you married the person and loved your spouse in the first place.

•Point out strengths – Even if your partner’s attitudes makes you mad or angry at times pointing out and appreciating one’s strengths will create a peaceful and inspiring environment in your home. ! Being verbal saying thank you and expressing appreciation like a simple the food you cooked was great will surely give your wife a smile! Or saying thank you to your husband for taking time to drive you to the grocery would make him feel needed! Make your partner feel important, most couples love to hear pleasant words, a verbal appreciation for their work or positive attitude or a simple I love you text message can avoid certain irritations in your marriage.


•Communication is always the key - Set a time for you and your wife to sit and talk about these differences without having to tone up voices and kids playing around. You can talk when your kids are not around or when the kids are sleeping, speak to each other as a point to inform your negative feelings about a certain issue remember both of you are created differently so each of you need to adjust we are people no one is perfect!