There’s a Difference Between Love and Abuse

I prefer using the word consanguineous rather than incestuous, because the word incest has been given such a negative connotation. It is frequently lumped together with child rape and molestation.

Rape, assault, and molestation are and should be crimes, as they are perpetrated against someone who doesn’t or is unable to consent to being sexually touched. But while some rape is incestuous, not all incest is rape or molestation. Consensual incest is an expression of love, and it should not be a crime. Too many people say “incest” when they really mean rape by a family member. I wish they wouldn’t. Call it rape. Call it abuse.

And let's remember that there are people in nonconsanguineous relationships who experience abuse and domestic violence. The issue should not be consanguinity - it should be consenting love vs. coerced abuse.

If you have been attacked, assaulted, raped, or molested, please know that you are not alone and there is help. You should not be ashamed. Your attacker should be ashamed, and convicted, whether a family member, a stranger, or someone between.

One of the groups that can help is RAINN - Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. Yes, the name does nothing to remove the negative connotation from “incest,” but they can still be helpful.

Another resource is Survivors of Incest Anonymous. Again, I wish the name was different, but I’m just glad there is help for anyone who was raped or molested by a family member.

Perhaps you have been experiencing some attraction to a family member, especially one you were previously separated from for a long time. Or, perhaps you aren’t but know of a family member who is feeling that way towards you. Whether those feelings are wanted, unwanted, or you’re not quite sure, you can find some support, sympathy, and advice at the GSA website.

But if you have, or are, experiencing attraction and love with a consenting family member, don’t let anyone put you down or interfere with your happiness. While we have a ways to go to reach equality under the law, consanguineous love is a beautiful thing. In a world with abuse and bitter family rifts and estrangement, we should never discourage loving intimacy.